I’m going to be taking a break from posting to this blog for a while.
It’s silly that I even feel the need to announce it. But I do. I want to focus on some ideas that I think would do better fleshed out in fiction or poetry (trite, I get it). I’ll probably come back to this for those nights that I need to hash an idea out in attempts to make my thoughts linear and relatable. Sometimes I don’t know my humanity well enough and will allow myself to be discoverable via public forums as an attempt to understand myself objectively. I know it’s foolish.
I guess I feel as though I’m sort of outgrowing this forum as much as I feel like I’ve outgrown using a personal IG. I just don’t want to put my creative efforts into broadcasting my life in the ways that I have anymore. Image-based social media is weird, and I really just want to talk to people. I want to have a conversation. Not notions of it. Not inklings of it. Not substitutions of it. My thought life and personal life has become more and more valuable to me and it seems as though I’m having a hard time retaining that value when I just sort of lay it out there all the time for the world to pick apart in the form of photos and vsco-cam filters.
I think the goal has always been to express that there’s more to be discovered in every case of our human lives. Non-fiction art forms can be tricky when what you want to give to the world is this sense of awe/wonder/mystery without making other people feel small. Sometimes it outlines things too easily, which can make much of what you say untrue. It condenses thoughts too cleanly. Unless you’re posing really good questions, leaving the thoughts open ended and entirely steeped in longing… Conclusive thoughts, bragging, and live updates can only do so much without making people feel inadequate for not meeting some sort of social standard. My goal is to show people what makes situations valuable, not prove it. It’s a very fine line to walk.
My desire is to protect my humanity by making things that allow people to actually understand the nuances of my character and possibly see where we can intersect. I don’t want to make who I am 2-dimensional. I want to talk about “why” I am and understand why you are. Sometimes, I’m sure, it will still be in nonfiction. However, I know that story-telling, poetry, and music do something else in the brain that I really want to try to hone. I really want to know what it’s like to be known specifically and not commercially. That’s very important to me right now.
Maybe you’re asking why don’t I just post my poetry and stories here? And the answer is, quite simply, that I want to preserve this blog and keep it more as a time capsule to a way of thinking that might feel foreign to me down the road. It’s the same reason why I have so many different accounts to so many different things. I like to stay as organized and streamlined as I can with different modes of expression so that I can understand what my creative limitation is. When there are too many options my strength can go on uncontrolled and scattered. It keeps me from being able to focus and I only end up making something when I “feel” it. instead of having some work ethic behind it.
It’s going to be hard closing the door on “blogging” even temporarily because it’s actually a very easy way for me to feel like I’ve done something productive. Even now. I’m going to go about my day feeling as though I’ve made some sort of art piece. What a shame! I’ve been blogging since I was in highschool, and it’s been a secret pleasure of mine for so long. However, I am excited to see what happens in place of it. There’s much to learn!
So, for those of you that read this blog. Thanks for bearing with me in the unorganized chaos that has been these series of writings. I’ve really appreciated the conversation, the feedback, and even the places where I’ve got to meet some of you. It’s been a real treat. My hope is to come back to blogging having more creative/business endeavors successfully under my belt so that these posts serve more of a purpose than my primary creative outlet. We’ll see what actually happens, though!
Much to discover. Much to see.